Final post - Dad has gone Home

I know this is morbid but I have to get it out. Writing is my outlet and this is the forum I choose to share the story of my daddy's homecoming. My dad's 10 month battle came to a peaceful end on Thursday January 3rd at 10:52pm

On New Years Eve my dad's nursing home called me and told me that he was not feeling well, they believed he had the flu since it was going around the nursing home. They had ordered an x-ray and was expecting them to do it that night. Gary and I went to see him right away, when I got there he was sleeping, I tried waking him up and he would respond but not fully wake up. We stayed with him for a couple hours while he slept, waiting for them to do the x-ray. We finally left and I told them to call me as soon as they got the results of the x-ray.

New Years Day my brother Perry went to see Dad and he was still sleeping and not very responsive. They had not gotten an x-ray due to the holiday, they wouldn't be able to get it unless it was a life or death situation and they didn't feel Dad was that bad off. I talked to Dad's nurse earlier in the day and she had said that they would do the x-ray the next day and that when she came on around 1:00 Dad was being more responsive and he looked better. His color had improved and he was awake and trying to talk to her. about 4:00 Gary and I were getting ready to go see him when the phone rang. I answered it and it was his nurse, she said that she had just went in to check on him and he didn't look good at all, she said they had called in his Hospice case manager and nurse.  Gary and I went right away. When I got there he was unresponsive. He was doing what they called "Cheyne-Stokes" breathing, which I was informed was considered "final stages" respiration. They basically told me that my daddy was dying. They put him on Hospice Crisis Care which meant he had a hospice nurse with him around the clock. I prayed that when it was time for God to take him home that He please do it quickly and peacefully.

I called my brother and sister who both came right away. Between the 3 of us, we were at his bedside 24 hours a day.  My sister and I spent time sitting by dad's bedside using a pillow under our heads and we slumped forward on the side of the bed to try to sleep a little. It wasn't until about 2am on Thursday morning that I was finally able to be convinced to go home and sleep for a little while. My sister was sleeping in a large reclining chair the nursing home had let us use, we were going to take turns but she had only been asleep for about 30 minutes and I was falling asleep on the side of my dad's bed again and I didn't want to wake her up. The hospice nurse was amazing, she said to me "Honey, I can't promise you that your daddy won't get worse while you're gone because that is in God's hands, but in my years of doing this I can tell you that he is pretty stable at the time" She convinced me that I needed to try to get some rest so I called my husband (who had just left about 2 hours earlier) and asked him to come and get me. I got home around 3am.

I was able to sleep about 4 hours. I got back to the nursing home and my sister and brother were both there. Dad hadn't gotten any worse, and he hadn't gotten any better. As I was driving back to the nursing home that morning I noticed that it was very overcast and blah. When I walked out to get into my car I said to God "It's going to be today isn't it?" I don't know why or how I knew, but I knew that my dad wouldn't make it to Friday. Dad stayed the same most of the day. Around 8:00 he started to show some signs of decline but nothing major. My sister and I were with him and his hospice nurse was keeping a close eye on him. Each change that took place she noted and told us about it. When my dad's respirations began to become very shallow the nurse told us that he was declining and that we should call my brother to come back. She told us that it would most likely be no more than 2 hours. That was at about 10:30. My sister called my brother to tell him to come back. Then we each sat on either side of my dad and we each held his hands. His breathing was extremely shallow and he began to apnea (stop breathing). His breaths became farther and farther apart. My dad's room was totally silent, my sister and I were holding his hands, and I was watching his chest rise and fall. The time between breaths became longer and longer. When he took his last breath, I watched his chest and continued to watch for what seemed like forever waiting for him to take another breath. Finally I turned around and looked at his hospice nurse, who was sitting behind us and the foot of his bed, I said to her "It's been too long hasn't it?" and she quietly nodded and then she said "I'm so sorry, he's gone" My sister kissed his hand and I broke down, sobbing like a baby. At 10:52pm on 1/3/13 my heart broke when my sweet daddy took his final breath in this world. God gave me what I asked for, He took my daddy quickly and peacefully. The hospice nurse told me that in her 22 years of experience that my dad's passing was the most peaceful she had ever witnessed.

It has been a long and difficult 10 months. My dad is no longer confused, he knows who we all are once again, and the best part is he is with my momma once again. She has been waiting almost 21 years for him to come Home. I take comfort in the memories he has left us all with. I had a great life with my daddy, even when his Alzheimer's was getting worse and he had to be placed in a nursing home he kept us laughing. Even near the end when his speech was severely impaired by the disease he would lean in and say something we couldn't understand and then he would just crack up laughing and we would laugh right along with him. Going back and reading some of the blog posts from here has helped to begin the healing, I am so glad that I began this blog and I hope it can help some of my other family members begin their healing as well.